i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
