You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
