Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
