did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
