it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
