She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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