Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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