he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
