im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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