you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
