apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
