A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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