I am puke
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
