I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
