Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
