Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
