need another drink. this is the easiest way
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
