i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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