Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
