I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
