its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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