When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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