apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
