even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
