why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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