I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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