Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
