My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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