Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
