so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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