She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
