i barfeds in our rink
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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