Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
