thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
