Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
