I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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