I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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