the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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