Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
