...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
