If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
