I'm so fucking centered right now
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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