I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
