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• (443): View more from Maryland

  why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

  (443): View more from Maryland

  that only happened once.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  I think we should measure in "bathtubs"

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• (903): View more from Texas

  We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  you DO IT for the people

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke

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