hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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