dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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