HIV tests are more positive than that guy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
