It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
