Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
