community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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