Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
