Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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